Trip Report Teaser

A gun. A radio show. Feats of strength. Pete Rose. A rock. A dam. A Canyon. An addiction.

Wife is away on Spring Break so Bell Guy is staying with me this week. Actually, he is laying here next to me. I am going to post more pics and the stories from our trip, alluded to at the beginning of this post, later this week.

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Dilemma

When we (me and two coworkers) checked into the hotel, I very stupidly asked if we could have rooms near one another. Now, this hotel has over 5,000 rooms so maybe that was a good idea at the time but I did not think it through. When the front desk girl told me that she could only put us in rooms close to one another if we were in the wing that only had king beds I agreed. Again, I didn’t think that through. Granted, at that point it was about 2am “home” time and my brain must have been somewhere else.

As I previously blogged, Bell Guy gets here in a few days. I am not out to these two coworkers and they think that I am still happily married. Now, I will have a man staying with me in my room. In a room with only one bed.

I have considered changing rooms but I unpacked days ago and I am nice and settled. I told Bell Guy about my dilemma and while he said it was up to me as to what to do, I know he is growing tired of me having to hide behind this idea that I am straight and things are normal for me at home. It is not unusual for me to be paranoid when I am out with him and we are in areas where there is a greater chance that we will run into people that I will know (that happened once and although I had a mild heart attack I survived and do not think the person had any suspicions).

I’ve decided that I am not switching rooms. One coworker leaves the morning after Bell Guy arrives and if the other sees me and Bell Guy together I’ll have to deal with it. I do not want people to think I am running around my wife’s back with some guy but I am not going to sneak around either.

I have said to myself a million times over the last six months that my one main issue I have with all of this is not me being gay. It is me getting married and then realizing years later that I am gay. I cannot get over my belief that those facts destroy my credibility with everyone I know. Nobody really understands, or will understand, and I do not want to discuss it, especially with people that I am not super close to. I am friends with many coworkers but it is none of their business how all of this came about and I have no plans to tell them. I guess I am going to deal with all of this as it comes. I know that I cannot continue this facade at work forever.

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Back in Vegas

I’m back in Las Vegas for a convention for the next week or so. I was just here in November but this trip is longer and will allow me to spend more time siteseeing.

Today, me and two coworkers went to the Hoover Dam and Red Rock Canyon. I had seen these two places previously, but it was worth it to go again. Both are rather majestic and the Hoover Dam always strikes me as an amazing engineering marvel. I will try to post some pics soon. Tomorrow I am going to see the show Mystere and the convention begins Tuesday morning.

Bell Guy is flying in on Thursday. He has never been to Vegas so I am not only excited to see him, but also excited to show him around. On Saturday, we are going to the Grand Canyon for a night before returning to Vegas and then flying home Monday. I haven’t been to the Grand Canyon in 13 years so I am really looking forward to it. I can’t wait to see him.

Over the weekend, Bell Guy told two friends that he and I were planning on moving in together this Summer. Both friends were supportive which is great. I think Bell Guy was a little worried that he’d get a “you may be moving too fast” speech from one of them.

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My Weekend

I spent the entire weekend with Bell Guy, which was very nice and fun!

We spent part of Saturday lunching in Georgetown and looked at a couple of open houses. The plan is to move in together once I get my situation resolved and my current residence sold. I will not continue to live in Virginia, as there are no gay rights in Virginia and none planned. So, it is either going to be DC or Maryland and I am trying to learn the neighborhoods.

While I never talk about sex, I wanted to make a note for myself on here that I really had my first real good sex as a bottom on Saturday. I had been successful before but this was the first time that it really clicked for both of us. While I prefer being a top, Bell Guy wants a versatile sexual relationship and I am committed to doing everything I can to make that happen. So, the weekend was a sexual milestone so to speak for me.

We tried to see Atonement Saturday night but it was sold out. Since this was not a blockbuster and has been in theaters a long time, I was a little surprised that we could not get in. I guess everyone wanted to see the movie before the Oscars. Bell Guy had been talking about wanting to see the movie for weeks so he was disappointed. I decided that we’d get up early on Sunday and see the 10 AM showing. In order to force me to wake up that early on a Sunday, we decided to buy the tickets Saturday night. So, Sunday morning we were up and in the movies at 10 AM. I thought Atonement was okay. Of the last ten movies I have seen, I’m not sure it would make the top five.

The rest of the day Sunday was spent looking at more open houses. We then went to dinner and watched the Oscars. I drove home late Sunday night.

Earlier in the post, I alluded to moving in with Bell Guy. I really can’t wait for that to happen.  🙂

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I can’t wait to marry you…

Bell Guy blurted out on chat the other night (can you blurt out on chat?) that he couldn’t wait to marry me. Although absolutely flattered, I was a little surprised. I do love him and see no reason why we will not have the future together but it took me six years of courtship to get married to my wife and I’ve only known him ten weeks. I told him that I agreed that I thought we’d be together in the future but did tell him that it took a long time to make that commitment to my wife and getting married was clearly a mistake knowing what I do now. He was worried that I would freak out and I think he regretted saying it, even though that is how he felt. I’m glad he was honest and I cannot wait to be completely out of my current situation and location so I can spend more time with him and our relationship can continue to grow without all of my baggage.

What is interesting is we both feel like we’ve been dating months or even years. I guess that shows how compatible we are. I still cannot believe how lucky I was to meet him (on craigslist of all places) and I pinch myself almost every day.

Ah, love.  🙂

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Red Hats

A pic from the Red Hat gathering at a table near us last night. Too cute!

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Eliot Goes to the Auto Show

I wanted to go to the auto show this weekend and Bell Guy reluctantly agreed. Neither of us is looking for a new car but we went Friday night and saw hundreds of cars from all of the manufacturers. And Bell Guy enjoyed himself!

I did learn that what I wanted to be my next car, the Lexus GS Hybrid, has a trunk way too small for my liking. I guess the hybrid stuff takes up a lot of space back there, as the regular GS had a large trunk. Anyways, a few cell phone pics.

Jeep Concept

Lamborghini

Ferrari

Rolls Royce

Bell Guy 😉

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Fun Weekend

I am having some challenges keeping up with reading your blogs. I know I used to leave lots of comments. I am going to try to catch up this week.

I appreciate all of you leaving the thoughtful comments about me feeling violated when Bell Guy read my blog. Bell Guy and I are fine – I have completely forgiven him – and had a good weekend, which I’ll get to in a minute.

I am waffling, even as I write this post, as to whether I want him to read it in the future. I am so private but I also know it is probably better that he really know where I am always coming from, especially with the pending divorce and all of the upheaval that is coming up this year for me. Therefore, I am going to tell him to read it as he wishes.

Onto the weekend…

A few weeks ago, Bell Guy surprised me with hockey tickets to Saturday night’s game. Unfortunately on the way to the game we were in a minor car accident. How there was virtually no damage considering how hard we hit I still do not understand. Bell Guy was driving and was really frazzled but we continued on our short journey.

Considering he had never been to a game in the arena before, Bell Guy picked some amazing seats. We were only five or so rows up and right at the blue line. Sitting that close you really are able to see how big, fast and skilled NHL players are. Ironically, we only took pics of the mites on ice (little kids) players during the intermissions.

(I especially like the bald guy in front.)

We had a ton of fun and the home team won pretty big. (Bell Guy decided he would try to act butch while at the game. That lasted about five minutes until a disco song was played and his cover was quickly blown.) I used to be a big hockey fan and had season tickets for a few years up until the strike and then I lost interest. Bell Guy really liked the game so we are going to try to go back and see a couple more games this season. Who knows, maybe we’ll even make the playoffs. God knows it has been too long.

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Violated

Ugh. Things had been going so well with Bell Guy. Until he decided to go against my known wishes and search for, locate, and then proceed to read parts of my blog.

Out of the blue yesterday evening, due to guilt, Bell Guy told me that he had read my blog between some meetings yesterday. He knew that I would be upset.

I was kind of shell shocked. At first, I didn’t think that I cared. But as I thought about it, I did care. I cared a lot. He knew that I had the blog and I had told him about some of the posts (thus how he was able to google search and find it). He also knew, very clearly, that I did not want him to read it. He had said previously that it was my personal journal and, therefore, was really none of his business.

I asked him how he found the blog and he said by accident. After I stated that was clearly bullshit, he said he searched by using Zac Efron. Since this seems to be Zac headquarters lately, it didn’t take much effort to find me.

I asked him why he felt the need to do this and he said that he wondered about what I thought of him and my coming out process. I think I’ve been pretty good about telling him how I feel. As for the entire coming out process, I really didn’t want to share it completely with him. He is aware of Boston Guy and Military Guy and all that stuff and I have not hidden anything. I just didn’t want to share all of those feelings. I am rather private really.

He was very apologetic and was clearly sorry for making such a stupid, selfish mistake.

I had some negative feelings regarding Bell Guy early on. I had some issues, which I have since worked through, with going out with a “stereotypical” gay guy. I did not mention specifics about those feelings here (or to him or anyone else) and I still will not.

Last night, I told him that I was glad that I did not blog about all of my feelings. When I said that, he asked if it was because I had been dating other people when we first started dating. Since I had told him early on that was not the case, I proceeded to tell him that was the dumbest thing to ever come out of his mouth since I had known him. I mean seriously, his mind was so all over the place that he was not even thinking before he spoke.

So, last night I felt violated. A stupid feeling? Maybe, but I do not think so. How many of you share your blogs with friends and boyfriends? I already know the answer: very few of you.

He broke the trust I had in him. I tried to be nice (and was) and tried to downplay the entire thing. We went to dinner, which ended up being shitty as the conversation and atmosphere was just totally weird because he felt terrible and I was irritated.

After dinner, we got back to his place and talked and watched TV for a couple minutes. I was stewing, thinking that I could not understand why he would completely ignore my wishes. I felt myself getting more pissed as I was sitting there so I announced that I was leaving. I was cordial. I wished him a good night and hugged him. Didn’t really look at him thought. I felt like crying on the way to the car. He told me he proceeded to cry uncontrollably for the next hour.

After I got home, I had an email waiting for me from him and we texted for a few minutes and then chatted for an hour.

I honestly contemplated dumping him over this. I figured that we had only been dating for six weeks and I wasn’t sure that I could trust him. I was thinking that there are other guys out there and that maybe this was a sign that we just were not meant to be. For me, trust is everything really.

He asked me if I wanted to break up and I told him that I didn’t think that I did. And after a night and another day of thinking, I definitely do not. Everyone makes mistakes and I am absolutely convinced that I have somehow (very quickly and luckily) found a rare, great, guy.

Tonight, I asked him to dinner again. Everything was somewhat back to normal. I am still pissed but not nearly as much as I was. He still feels terrible and has promised to let me have some privacy with this blog. I expect all will be well in another day or so.

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Gay Bar

I went to my first gay bar this weekend.

After having a decent dinner Friday night, myself, Bell Guy and two of his friends went to a nice, low-key gay bar, JR’s. Although I am not a bar or club person, I liked it. There was a wide mix of guys there, from hot young guys to older guys. I actually had a lot of fun people watching. Bell Guy and his friends kept asking me what I thought about the place. Since I really didn’t have any expectations, it was difficult to answer their question. JR’s was pretty chill and I’d go back. (I think I probably will be going back, too, because it is Bell Guy’s favorite bar.)

After that bar, we went to another bar/club, Cobalt. Unfortunately, the old bear bar has closed so all of the bears had migrated over to Cobalt. (No offense to any of you readers that are bears lol.) I was expecting a pretty young crowd and it was not at all. We only stayed a few minutes before heading home.

On Saturday, we drove past the SUV below. I insisted that Bell Guy turn around so I could take a picture for Justin. I know how much he loves stuffed animals on or in cars.

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