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Archive for the ‘coming out’ Category

It’s about time.

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One year ago today I told my wife I was gay and began this blog. What a year it has been! Over 61,000 blog views, over 1,000 comments and 148 posts.

I know that I made the right decision to come out to my wife and us splitting up was also the right decision for us. Both of my parents have come to accept who I really am and most of my friends have been supportive as well. The following other events occurred over the last year:

The Bad

– My wife made the difficult decision to move to Florida. I continue to miss her and my dogs. Thankfully, she is doing well and seems okay and the divorce preparation has been going well, too. Although extremely difficult, she could not have handled all of this any better

– My grandmother died of Alzheimer’s Disease over the Summer.

The Good

– I was very lucky and found a great boyfriend in Bell Guy a few months after coming out. He moved in with me about six weeks ago and I look forward to many years of continued happiness with him.

– I got promoted twice and have now reached the pinnacle of the career ladder at my company at the age of 31.

– I had the pleasure of chatting with people from all over the world that I have met from this blog. I consider many of you friends, appreciate your support over the last year and look forward to meeting more of you when I have the opportunity. You know who you are.

– I have gotten to do a lot of travel this past year which was great fun.

Looking back, I think the year prior to this one was more difficult for me, as I was making the decision to come out. I am really looking forward to some stability and a “normal” year coming up, as I think most of my challenges are behind me. One goal is to come out to more people as I firmly believe it is important that people see gays as normal people and me coming out will perpetuate that. If every gay person came out, I know we’d be further along in our rights than we are today.

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Bell Guy is beginning to settle in and I am beginning to get used to my new reality. I get really super sad late at night when I think about what was but I know that will fade with time. I have not been sleeping well at all the last few nights but that should get better soon too. It’s ironic that right around the time I came out to my wife, me being gay was all consuming in my life. The same feelings are occurring now as well. Her and the dogs moving and Bell Guy moving in has consumed my life recently and I am looking forward to things returning to a new normal.

We have bought some new furniture and have rearranged some other furniture and I think doing so will enable me to make new memories sooner. I still am not sure that I want to stay in this house long term but I waffle with those thoughts frequently and, although I’d like to make a decision soon, we do not need to for a couple of months.

Bell Guy and I have been getting along well. I am very anal about where things are placed in the house and I know that merging his things with mine has been stressful for him. I know I need to be more flexible and less negative but I am having some trouble with dealing with that along with everything else at the moment. I am not sure that he understands the magnitude that all of these changes have had on me but that is my fault for not expressing my feelings. I am sure this, too, will be fine with time.

I am looking forward to getting out of town for a conference in Toronto later this week. I want a break from all of the moving and errand running and memories of this place.

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I’m back from vacation and returning to a semi empty house was weird. No wife and no dogs. All of their stuff is gone too. It made me pretty sad but I am looking forward to Bell Guy moving in tomorrow. Saying goodbye to her a couple weeks ago was tough. Saying goodbye to the dogs last Friday seemed even worse. I think it was because I know I will see her again, maybe as early as a day over Thanksgiving weekend,  but I am not so sure about the dogs. I’ve had about ten months to prepare for all of these changes but I do not think I could really prepare. It was a nice vacation but I am looking forward to all of the moving being over with and getting settled again with Bell Guy. We will put the house on the market after Labor Day but have also talked about buying my wife out. We’ll see.

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My Chicago trip report is not done but will have to wait a few days.

My wife leaves for a trip to France Wednesday. When she gets back, I will be at the beach and she will move to Florida. When I return from the beach, she and my dogs will be gone. Her portion of the house is packed up and we are faced, after essentially living as friends since I came out in September, with one more night in the same house. We’ve been together ten years and while I know I did the right thing in coming out to her, it will be a difficult adjustment to life without her and the dogs. I’ve tried to stay busy and ignore all of my feelings but that is becoming more difficult as time is running out.

Tonight, after helping her pack, she went to watch TV and I got in bed. After a few minutes she came into my room and laid on my bed, upset that life as we know it will never be the same. I did everything I could to not cry.

I just want to get through these next few days and begin my new life with Bell Guy.

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Bell Guy and I planned Saturday to go to Baltimore to meet some of his friends and take in the Gay Pride Parade. My first Gay Pride event in my young tenure as an old gay guy.

We made it up there in the early afternoon and met a friend for lunch. I didn’t eat much as I was feeling bloated and a little off.

After lunch we walked around a bit, waiting for the parade to begin, and chatted with other friends of friends in a gay bar near the parade route. It was warm and there was little shade so it was nice to be inside. I went to the bathroom, still feeling off but returned a few seconds later.

About five minutes later, I returned to the bathroom and the toilet was being used. So I barfed in the sink. That’s right, for the first time since I can remember, I barfed. I barfed a lot. Guys came in and asked if I was okay which was nice of them. One asked if I had too much to drink. No, that wasn’t it. I do not drink at all. He wondered aloud what it could be as he left the bathroom. I texted Bell Guy that I needed help and by the time he got the text I was out of the bathroom. I felt better but was told that I looked “a little green.”

Longer story short, we took a cab back to friend’s apartment, got Bell Guy’s car and returned apartment keys back to friend at the parade route. Actually Bell Guy did. I sat in the car. He prepared a triple layer barf sack from plastic grocery bags and we headed back towards DC. We missed the entire parade.

About half way down I-95, I told him it would be a miracle if I made it back to his place without barfing again. He was surprised that I said that. Five minutes later I did barf again and nearly filled up the triple layer barf sack. So gross.

We arrived back at his place at about 5pm. I asked if Bell Guy had any irritating neighbors he wanted me to leave the barf sack with, but he declined. We went upstairs and I got in bed. Bell Guy set up a barf bucket. About 9pm that night I got barfed again and at that point there was little left in my stomach and, you know, barfing on an empty stomach hurts like hell.

Needless to say I did not sleep well Saturday night. Although I did not get sick, I was uncomfortable. Yesterday I stayed in bed all day and ate virtually nothing but did not get sick.

Today I was back at work but felt woozy until I had some lunch. I lost almost five pounds between Friday and this morning. Yikes. All appears well now and I hope it is a few more years until I barf again. Thanks to Bell Guy for being a great Barf Buddy.

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My wife has been in Florida since Saturday at a job fair and looking for a place to live. The trip was a success for her, as she called me today and she signed a contract for the job at the location that she was hoping for and also found an apartment. So, it looks like she, along with my two dogs, will be moving in less than two months.

My how time has flown since I told her I was gay. It has been almost eight months now. Big changes ahead.

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