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Posts Tagged ‘gay dating’

I am having some challenges keeping up with reading your blogs. I know I used to leave lots of comments. I am going to try to catch up this week.

I appreciate all of you leaving the thoughtful comments about me feeling violated when Bell Guy read my blog. Bell Guy and I are fine – I have completely forgiven him – and had a good weekend, which I’ll get to in a minute.

I am waffling, even as I write this post, as to whether I want him to read it in the future. I am so private but I also know it is probably better that he really know where I am always coming from, especially with the pending divorce and all of the upheaval that is coming up this year for me. Therefore, I am going to tell him to read it as he wishes.

Onto the weekend…

A few weeks ago, Bell Guy surprised me with hockey tickets to Saturday night’s game. Unfortunately on the way to the game we were in a minor car accident. How there was virtually no damage considering how hard we hit I still do not understand. Bell Guy was driving and was really frazzled but we continued on our short journey.

Considering he had never been to a game in the arena before, Bell Guy picked some amazing seats. We were only five or so rows up and right at the blue line. Sitting that close you really are able to see how big, fast and skilled NHL players are. Ironically, we only took pics of the mites on ice (little kids) players during the intermissions.

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(I especially like the bald guy in front.)

We had a ton of fun and the home team won pretty big. (Bell Guy decided he would try to act butch while at the game. That lasted about five minutes until a disco song was played and his cover was quickly blown.) I used to be a big hockey fan and had season tickets for a few years up until the strike and then I lost interest. Bell Guy really liked the game so we are going to try to go back and see a couple more games this season. Who knows, maybe we’ll even make the playoffs. God knows it has been too long.

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Still trying to catch up on Bell Guy posts…this is a condensed version of a great night.

A few Fridays ago, Bell Guy and I made plans to go downtown for dinner and then look at the National and Capitol Christmas trees. I was also to stay at his place for the first time that night. Traffic was so terrible I arrived an hour later than planned.

For some reason, although he is rather sophisticated, Bell Guy did not have enough sheet sets for his bed. As in, he only had one set. I found this unacceptable, so I bought him another set. He was surprised at the funny gift and liked them.

We headed to a steakhouse downtown and the food was yummy.  After dinner, we walked towards the national tree and he wanted to hold my arm. I didn’t like doing that in public and I acted like a jerk and pushed him away. That was the first big (and only) mistake I’ve made with him so far. I could have handled it better and I really hurt him by acting the way I did. I have told myself a hundred times that I cannot mess this up and disappoint him. We continued walking and he was clearly aggravated and I tried to apologize. I said that I never see guys holding one another in public. Ten minutes later, when we arrived at the tree, there were two guys holding hands (Aren’t I brilliant?). We talked about it and I told him that I would try to do better, but I also said that I have only been out for four months and he was my first real boyfriend so, overall, I’m doing pretty well and this process is made of steps, not all accomplished at once.

Things between us ended up fine and we walked to the Capitol tree. I had never seen that tree and it was so much better than the national tree. And there were only a few people there, compared to the hordes at the national tree.

Once back at Bell Guy’s place we went to bed and had sex for the first time. So, that was the first time I had sex with him or any guy for that matter. (I told myself that I wouldn’t get into details about that on here so I won’t. It was great though.)

Afterwards, right before we fell asleep, I told him I loved him. He popped his head up, looked over, and said “what.” I repeated it, he said he loved me and started kissing me like crazy.

Now, earlier that week, I had told a couple of you that I was considering telling him that I loved him. Fact is, we had only been going out a couple of weeks and the consensus was I should keep my mouth shut. However, I was positive how I felt and I really thought the feeling was mutual. I decided that I was not going to hold back my feelings. Life is too short for that and here we are, two weeks or so later, and I am so glad I told him how I felt. If anything bad were to ever happen to me, he will know forever how I feel.

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Today is the one month anniversary for me and Bell Guy. Yay!

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This pic was taken New Year’s Eve in Central Park. I’m on the left, he’s on the right.

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A Kiss

Back to catching up on Bell Guy…

A couple weeks ago I had to attend an afternoon office Christmas party downtown. I decided that I would park at Bell Guy’s apartment and take the subway down.

Bell Guy worked from home that day so after visiting with him for a few minutes, we walked to the subway. He kissed me goodbye, which was kind of a milestone for me. It was my first very public gay kiss. Public displays of affection are still a challenge for me, which I will blog about in future posts. Nobody heckled or threw anything at us so I survived.

After the uneventful party, when I got back to Bell Guy’s place, he cooked a nice baked chicken dinner with green beans and potatoes for us. He is a good cook and specifically cooked those foods because he knows I like them. He really is a thoughtful guy.

Later that night, I went further sexually with him (he gives magnificent blow jobs) but had to leave after to go home. I hate leaving him. I wish I could spend all of my free time with him.

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I’ve been busy trying to get the rest of my shopping done and have that accomplished now thankfully. I get on a plane later today and fly to Orlando for a couple days.

Ok, back to Bell Guy and attempting to get the blog caught up to where we are…

Sometime over the weekend following the dinner and late night we decided to be an exclusive couple. He had mentioned the possibility of me being his boyfriend while at his place but I really didn’t feel like getting into that conversation at that moment. The decision was not difficult however. He is a great guy and it is not my personality to date around. I have decided that just because he is the first local guy I’ve been involved with, it would be foolish to dismiss him because of my inexperience.

The following Monday we met at Maggianos for dinner. I love that place, but recently, it has just been ok. They nearly dropped an entire tray of food on my head on my birthday (literally missed me by inches) a few weeks ago and things did not improve this time around. Service was just ok as was the food. Oh well, the company was more important anyway.

During dinner, Bell Guy mentioned that he needed new pillows so I said we should go to Macys and check them out after dinner. So, after dinner, we walked over to Macys and he spent forever picking out pillows. It was rather amusing. He took several pillows, put them on the bed and tried them out. While doing this, he was sticking his ass out and it was driving me crazy. So damn hot. I didn’t say anything to him about it until the next day or so and he laughed because he was not doing anything intentionally.

After Macys, we walked to a sitting area in the mall, which was very quiet by now, and just chatted for a while. We then walked to our cars and kissed goodnight.

He texted me about 30 minutes later and said he had a reaction to our kiss. No, not a good one. See, Bell Guy has a severe peanut allergy and I guess I had peanut residue on my lips. Before meeting him for dinner, I had gone home and changed clothes and brushed my teeth like I always do because I munch on peanuts from a colleague’s peanut jar at work. Well, I guess I didn’t wash my lips adequately. The reaction was mild (no doctor visits necessary) but freaked us both out and I felt terrible. I have since given up all nuts and pretty much live like I have a nut allergy. He says that isn’t necessary but I am not willing to risk any more problems.

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An Awakening

I know I have been bad. It has been many days since I had a meaningful post. Truth is, I have been spending virtually all of my free time with Bell Guy. I do not know where to begin to catch up, but I am going to try. I want to be able to look back at this and have a pretty accurate record of what’s gone on.

So, going way back…about two weeks ago to our third date. We met for dinner on Friday and were trying to figure out what to do next. We chatted at the restaurant until about 9pm and really had no idea of what to do next. I decided I wanted to see his place and suggested we head there. After some convincing, he agreed. (He didn’t want me to have to drive all the way there and back.)

When we got to his place, we sat on his sofa and chatted and cuddled. That soon led to making out and we were uncomfortable on the sofa so we went over to his bed.

I think it was that night I discovered that someone kissing my neck passionately totally makes me hot. Bell Guy is intense in bed and very good. I am not going to get into more detail than that except to say we didn’t go all the way that night but got far enough and we both really enjoyed it. Laying on his bed naked with him and just talking and holding one another was amazing. It was an awakening for me.

I didn’t want to leave him but did about 3am.

Stay tuned because I am determined to get caught up before Christmas!

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As I previously blogged, I planned to meet Bell Guy again tonight. The weather today was a snowy mess, the first snow of the season, and there were a ton of accidents. Bell Guy decided to work from home, but we still decided to meet.

We went to dinner first. Initially, I was feeling kind of “off” tonight, and I’ll blog about that tomorrow when I post about my feelings about Bell Guy. The dinner went fine and the conversation was good as usual and then we went to a movie. As soon as we sat down, he grabbed my hand and I liked that. He alternated between my hand and my leg and I rested my head on his shoulder. We continued to cuddle throughout the movie, which is just something that I never do with anyone hardly ever, much less in a public setting, albeit dark. I was never very affectionate towards my wife and now I understand why (the gay thing in case you aren’t following). Anyways, after the movie, he walked me to my car and we hugged and kissed. Another great evening.

He originally was having a friend come into town all weekend and tonight was to be the last time I’d see him until Sunday evening at the earliest. We talked briefly during the trip to our respective homes and he said he had just spoken with her and she was now going to be coming in on Saturday. He said he would now be free Friday evening if I wanted to get together. I said that would be great and we’d talk tomorrow.

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I’ve been emailing and chatting with Bell Guy since before Thanksgiving. Last night, we talked on the phone for over two hours and really hit it off. A good guy: established in his field of work, 32 years old, adores his family and friends, been in long term relationships before. His pic indicated he was a cutie to boot.

We made arrangements last week to meet tonight. I was a little apprehensive because he said he was not very masculine and I still think I am more attracted to masculine guys. However, I really wanted to go into this date with an open mind because, as I have blogged previously, I am not experienced enough with my new self to have a type and I certainly should not be dismissive of guys who clearly have a good heart. I’m really not good at being gay and any practice I get interacting with gay men would be beneficial, I told myself.

We met for dinner and he is a cutie. He was very well put together. Immaculate in dress, hair, even nails! (The god damn waiter kept flirting with him, to an extreme really, and I was tempted to say something to said waiter. Since it was a first date, I did not.) We had a nice conversation with dinner and I really tried to be outgoing and did fine. He was really interested in what I had to say and I had the same feeling towards him. Following dinner and lots of conversation afterwards, we walked around the mall.

It was near closing time so the mall was not crowded, which was refreshing. We went into a couple of stores but mostly walked and talked. We kind of flirted, nudging one another, and I was an eager participant in that.

Once it came time to leave, it turned out we had parked near one another so we made our way to our cars. When we got nearby, we kind of stood there. It was so cold and so windy. It was a little awkward because he knows I am not comfortable with public displays of affection yet and he reminded me of that. I told him a hug would be nice so he hugged me and then kissed me on my right cheek. I turned to my right and then our lips locked. It was nice. We did that a couple of times. It wasn’t just nice. It was really nice. I’ve only kissed a of couple guys and this was meaningful to me. We then said our goodbyes and retreated to our cars.

We plan to meet again Wednesday. Yay!

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It seems that Sox Guy is a confused. He was acting weird today and finally told me that he was really confused about his sexuality and was scared about the entire thing. This is quite a change from yesterday. When he was in college, he dated a guy and really liked him.

Today, he feels like he is too masculine to be gay. I tried to help him with this, but I just did not get anywhere. I explained that I thought the same thing, literally months ago, and the reality is many gay guys are very masculine. He basically said he was going to try to date girls and hoped that would fix things. Maybe he is bi and he’ll be happy but I am doubting that.

He still says he wants to meet this weekend but I am not sure that I want to waste my time. I do not need another indecisive guy in my life now. I am always one to try to help someone else, and made it clear to him that he can call me whenever he needs, but I am afraid if I meet him I’ll end up liking him only to be disappointed.

I think I may give up dating until I really see what happens with Boston Guy or Military Guy. I care for both of those guys and they care about me. I really think I need to let those possibilities play out. I think I will know what is up with Boston Guy pretty soon and Military Guy should be back in the area in early January. If I stumble across someone else in the meantime, that would be fine but I do not think I am not going to be looking.

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The day after my rejection last week, I picked up where I left off and emailed a guy who was looking for a relationship. We chatted and exchanged pics and he is quite a cutie. I’m going to call him Sox Guy, because of his infatuation with the Boston Red Sox.

Today, he really wanted me to call him so I did. We talked for an hour and the time flew by. He seems like a nice guy and we are going to meet next weekend when I get back from a business trip later this week.

He is pretty forward about wanting to kiss me and wanting more but I’ve made it clear I’m not looking for a hook up and he says he is not either. If the date goes well, kissing is cool but he isn’t getting anything else on the first date. I’ve waited thirty years to get it on with a guy and I’m not giving it up easily 🙂

On a related note, Boston Guy and I are still where we have been lately. He is consumed with school, which is very much okay, but I remain too low on his priority list compared to where he is on mine. I am not giving up but have resolved to just see what happens. If it is meant to be, it will be. In the meantime, getting out and meeting other guys is good for me.

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