One Year

One year ago today I told my wife I was gay and began this blog. What a year it has been! Over 61,000 blog views, over 1,000 comments and 148 posts.

I know that I made the right decision to come out to my wife and us splitting up was also the right decision for us. Both of my parents have come to accept who I really am and most of my friends have been supportive as well. The following other events occurred over the last year:

The Bad

– My wife made the difficult decision to move to Florida. I continue to miss her and my dogs. Thankfully, she is doing well and seems okay and the divorce preparation has been going well, too. Although extremely difficult, she could not have handled all of this any better

– My grandmother died of Alzheimer’s Disease over the Summer.

The Good

– I was very lucky and found a great boyfriend in Bell Guy a few months after coming out. He moved in with me about six weeks ago and I look forward to many years of continued happiness with him.

– I got promoted twice and have now reached the pinnacle of the career ladder at my company at the age of 31.

– I had the pleasure of chatting with people from all over the world that I have met from this blog. I consider many of you friends, appreciate your support over the last year and look forward to meeting more of you when I have the opportunity. You know who you are.

– I have gotten to do a lot of travel this past year which was great fun.

Looking back, I think the year prior to this one was more difficult for me, as I was making the decision to come out. I am really looking forward to some stability and a “normal” year coming up, as I think most of my challenges are behind me. One goal is to come out to more people as I firmly believe it is important that people see gays as normal people and me coming out will perpetuate that. If every gay person came out, I know we’d be further along in our rights than we are today.

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New Rides

I am adjusting better to my new life and had a great, although wet, trip to Niagara Falls and Toronto.

Bell Guy and I have each got new cars last weekend. Well, I ordered mine and pick it up tomorrow.

Bell Guy got a silver Acura RDX. A nice upgrade from a Civic and will make for a nice dog-mobile.

I got a Smoky Granite Mica Lexus ES 350. My ES 330 had a lot of miles and was starting to wear a bit.

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Settling In. Sort of.

Bell Guy is beginning to settle in and I am beginning to get used to my new reality. I get really super sad late at night when I think about what was but I know that will fade with time. I have not been sleeping well at all the last few nights but that should get better soon too. It’s ironic that right around the time I came out to my wife, me being gay was all consuming in my life. The same feelings are occurring now as well. Her and the dogs moving and Bell Guy moving in has consumed my life recently and I am looking forward to things returning to a new normal.

We have bought some new furniture and have rearranged some other furniture and I think doing so will enable me to make new memories sooner. I still am not sure that I want to stay in this house long term but I waffle with those thoughts frequently and, although I’d like to make a decision soon, we do not need to for a couple of months.

Bell Guy and I have been getting along well. I am very anal about where things are placed in the house and I know that merging his things with mine has been stressful for him. I know I need to be more flexible and less negative but I am having some trouble with dealing with that along with everything else at the moment. I am not sure that he understands the magnitude that all of these changes have had on me but that is my fault for not expressing my feelings. I am sure this, too, will be fine with time.

I am looking forward to getting out of town for a conference in Toronto later this week. I want a break from all of the moving and errand running and memories of this place.

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They are all gone.

I’m back from vacation and returning to a semi empty house was weird. No wife and no dogs. All of their stuff is gone too. It made me pretty sad but I am looking forward to Bell Guy moving in tomorrow. Saying goodbye to her a couple weeks ago was tough. Saying goodbye to the dogs last Friday seemed even worse. I think it was because I know I will see her again, maybe as early as a day over Thanksgiving weekend,  but I am not so sure about the dogs. I’ve had about ten months to prepare for all of these changes but I do not think I could really prepare. It was a nice vacation but I am looking forward to all of the moving being over with and getting settled again with Bell Guy. We will put the house on the market after Labor Day but have also talked about buying my wife out. We’ll see.

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Wife Moving

My Chicago trip report is not done but will have to wait a few days.

My wife leaves for a trip to France Wednesday. When she gets back, I will be at the beach and she will move to Florida. When I return from the beach, she and my dogs will be gone. Her portion of the house is packed up and we are faced, after essentially living as friends since I came out in September, with one more night in the same house. We’ve been together ten years and while I know I did the right thing in coming out to her, it will be a difficult adjustment to life without her and the dogs. I’ve tried to stay busy and ignore all of my feelings but that is becoming more difficult as time is running out.

Tonight, after helping her pack, she went to watch TV and I got in bed. After a few minutes she came into my room and laid on my bed, upset that life as we know it will never be the same. I did everything I could to not cry.

I just want to get through these next few days and begin my new life with Bell Guy.

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Chicago Day II

Bell Guy is a somewhat early riser and when he tries to be quiet he is generally louder than he would be if he were not trying so hard to be so quiet. I call it him being a bull in a china shop. The bull got up fairly early, made his way through the china shop and then left for the lobby to get his coffee.

He returned an hour or so later and I got up and got ready to go. We had a big day planned: Hancock Observatory, double decker bus tour of the city, Art Institute of Chicago and meet an old friend.

We walked up Michigan Avenue to the John Hancock Building and Observatory where there was only one person selling tickets and she was also answering the phones (why wouldn’t they have more people working on a holiday?). They had an auto ticket machine and, although we had coupons, I became impatient with the line that was not moving and we went and used the machine. The cost was a little more but my blood pressure went down so it was worth it.

The elevator ride to the top is “the fastest in the world” or the “fastest in the US” depending on who is telling you the story. Anyways, it was fast and the view from above was terrific.

We spent awhile at the observatory and waited for some clouds to move so we could get a good view of all four directions.

After departing the observatory, we went and ate at a yummy French bistro a few blocks away. I cannot remember the name of it but we had a nice view of the street and I remember a shirtless guy walking by which grabbed my attention for a moment. He also caused a ruckus at a table of a couple of other gays nearby.

After lunch, it was time for the double decker city tour. Rosita was our tour guide and I thought she did a good job. It was a hop on-hop off tour but we hopped on near the observatory and stayed on for the entire two hour tour.

Wrigley Building with flag for the 4th.

Art somewhere downtown. I'm sure Steven or Justin will remind me where.

Soldier Field. I loved the '85 Bears and Jim McMahon. Hero.

Navy Pier. This was as close to the pier as we got this trip.

We got off the bus back at the observatory and went across the street so Bell Guy could get his free Hershey bar from the Hershey store (bus ticket had a coupon). We quickly ate the chocolate while looking at Bentleys through the windows of the Bentley store down the block. We continued around the corner and found an Italian place that we decided we wanted to eat at later in the trip.

We headed back to the hotel and were able to relax for about an hour or so before meeting one of Bell Guy’s friends at the Art Institute of Chicago. This museum is free on Friday and Saturday evenings. Bruno, Bell Guy’s friend, was quick to find us in the museum. He and Bell Guy were close pals in college but had not seen each other in 8 years! Bruno is a super nice guy and the reunion of the two old farts was nice as well. Bruno gave us an abbreviated tour of the museum, which was huge and had lots of works of art. Next time, I want to go back because it turns out the museum has the famous American Gothic painting and I only realized that after we were leaving. From there, we walked back across the river and ate at a decent restaurant we had found earlier on Open Table. I got to hear all about Bell Guy and Bruno’s “gay adolescence” in college. Bell Guy was quite a character. Wait, he still is.

After dinner, we walked around the Tribune Tower, which has pieces of different buildings from across the world built into the side of it.

Bell Guy at the Tribune Tower and stone from his home state of Vermont.

Wrigley Building from afar.

After walking around a bit more, we were really tired and went back to the hotel around 10pm. Another good day. Has Chicago become my favorite Summer city (right now that title goes to Denver)? Or even my favorite overall city (that title goes to New York)?

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Chicago Day I

While my wife continues preparations for her impending move out later this month, Bell Guy and I took a trip to Chicago for the long weekend. He had never visited and I had been twice, just for a day each time, but not in ten or twelve years.

Happily our flight landed early and our luggage was landing on the luggage belt as we walked up. We quickly grabbed a cab to the Hyatt Regency and were there without any traffic issues. We were checked in early and the room was nice. The location was great, right downtown at the Chicago River and the Magnificent Mile. We used Priceline and only paid $100/night. The only annoyance were the elevators were packed and slow but that was made up for by the location.

We were starving so we ventured out to find some food. The weather was spectacular and I wore shorts and a light jacket. We walked up the Magnificent Mile, which was only a block from the hotel. We spotted a Grand Lux Cafe after a few minutes and decided to eat there as we had eaten at the Grand Lux Cafe in Las Vegas so we knew the food was good. The food was good and the service outstanding.

After lunch, we made arrangements to meet with Steven from Heterosexually Challenged at Shedd Aquarium. Unfortunately, traffic was horrible due to the Taste of Chicago and everyone coming into the city for the fireworks that night. So, we were unable to meet Steven this trip. It was a long walk from Grand Lux Cafe to Shedd but was worth it. That is the best aquarium that I have been to and I’ve been to many.

We spent a couple of hours at the aquarium before walking back towards the hotel at about 5pm. I changed into some jeans and we tried to decide on a restaurant for dinner, which is a chore because I am too picky.  We went to the concierge and he recommended Tavern at the Park, which was right across the street from the totally awesome Millennium Park. We only had to wait twenty minutes or so and the food, ambiance and service were great. (That is one of a few noticeable differences between Chicago and DC: Service was so much better in Chicago. People were so much nicer in Chicago. Ambulances somehow sound like firetrucks in Chicago.)

Chicago has its big fireworks display on July 3. So, after dinner we crossed the street and waited for the fireworks. We were not in a good area so once they started we moved a bit but then had a great view and did not have to wait around all day to get that great view.

After the fireworks we walked a few blocks back to the hotel and I lamented about how my feet were already hurting after only one day. So were his. We’re so old.

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Isn’t He Cute?

Bell Guy, circa 1973.

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First Pride. Bleh.

Bell Guy and I planned Saturday to go to Baltimore to meet some of his friends and take in the Gay Pride Parade. My first Gay Pride event in my young tenure as an old gay guy.

We made it up there in the early afternoon and met a friend for lunch. I didn’t eat much as I was feeling bloated and a little off.

After lunch we walked around a bit, waiting for the parade to begin, and chatted with other friends of friends in a gay bar near the parade route. It was warm and there was little shade so it was nice to be inside. I went to the bathroom, still feeling off but returned a few seconds later.

About five minutes later, I returned to the bathroom and the toilet was being used. So I barfed in the sink. That’s right, for the first time since I can remember, I barfed. I barfed a lot. Guys came in and asked if I was okay which was nice of them. One asked if I had too much to drink. No, that wasn’t it. I do not drink at all. He wondered aloud what it could be as he left the bathroom. I texted Bell Guy that I needed help and by the time he got the text I was out of the bathroom. I felt better but was told that I looked “a little green.”

Longer story short, we took a cab back to friend’s apartment, got Bell Guy’s car and returned apartment keys back to friend at the parade route. Actually Bell Guy did. I sat in the car. He prepared a triple layer barf sack from plastic grocery bags and we headed back towards DC. We missed the entire parade.

About half way down I-95, I told him it would be a miracle if I made it back to his place without barfing again. He was surprised that I said that. Five minutes later I did barf again and nearly filled up the triple layer barf sack. So gross.

We arrived back at his place at about 5pm. I asked if Bell Guy had any irritating neighbors he wanted me to leave the barf sack with, but he declined. We went upstairs and I got in bed. Bell Guy set up a barf bucket. About 9pm that night I got barfed again and at that point there was little left in my stomach and, you know, barfing on an empty stomach hurts like hell.

Needless to say I did not sleep well Saturday night. Although I did not get sick, I was uncomfortable. Yesterday I stayed in bed all day and ate virtually nothing but did not get sick.

Today I was back at work but felt woozy until I had some lunch. I lost almost five pounds between Friday and this morning. Yikes. All appears well now and I hope it is a few more years until I barf again. Thanks to Bell Guy for being a great Barf Buddy.

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I Meet Ma Bell

Bell Guy’s Mom was in town this weekend so I had the opportunity to spend the day with them yesterday. This was the first opportunity I have had to meet a member of his family, and he and his Mom are extremely close.

We began the day with an early lunch at a yummy small, local, chain restaurant. Bell Guy and his Mom are very much alike and she was very nice and warm. A delicate flower really.

After lunch we ventured out in the searing heat and headed to Lincoln’s Cottage. This cottage, in Northwest Washington, was where President Lincoln spent his evenings and weekends from May through November during his presidency. Located high above downtown Washington, he liked it there because it was removed from the city and had nice breezes. He rode his horse to the White House every day. The cottage was recently restored and is now open to the public. The three of us were the only ones that had a reservation for the tour, so it turned into a private affair. While it was the guide’s first day on his own, he did a good job and I liked the house and grounds.

After lunch, Bell Guy and Ma Bell went shopping and I went home to take care of some chores. Since my wife was out of town, we decided that they would come out to my house and then we’d have dinner nearby. They arrived at my house a few hours later and, after giving Ma Bell a tour of Bell Guy’s future temporary quarters, we went to dinner. The dinner was good and capped off an enjoyable day.

After dinner, they dropped me off at my house and they ventured back to Bell Guy’s apartment. Today, they visited a museum in Baltimore before Ma Bell flew back to Vermont.

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