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Posts Tagged ‘gay relationships’

I spent the entire weekend with Bell Guy, which was very nice and fun!

We spent part of Saturday lunching in Georgetown and looked at a couple of open houses. The plan is to move in together once I get my situation resolved and my current residence sold. I will not continue to live in Virginia, as there are no gay rights in Virginia and none planned. So, it is either going to be DC or Maryland and I am trying to learn the neighborhoods.

While I never talk about sex, I wanted to make a note for myself on here that I really had my first real good sex as a bottom on Saturday. I had been successful before but this was the first time that it really clicked for both of us. While I prefer being a top, Bell Guy wants a versatile sexual relationship and I am committed to doing everything I can to make that happen. So, the weekend was a sexual milestone so to speak for me.

We tried to see Atonement Saturday night but it was sold out. Since this was not a blockbuster and has been in theaters a long time, I was a little surprised that we could not get in. I guess everyone wanted to see the movie before the Oscars. Bell Guy had been talking about wanting to see the movie for weeks so he was disappointed. I decided that we’d get up early on Sunday and see the 10 AM showing. In order to force me to wake up that early on a Sunday, we decided to buy the tickets Saturday night. So, Sunday morning we were up and in the movies at 10 AM. I thought Atonement was okay. Of the last ten movies I have seen, I’m not sure it would make the top five.

The rest of the day Sunday was spent looking at more open houses. We then went to dinner and watched the Oscars. I drove home late Sunday night.

Earlier in the post, I alluded to moving in with Bell Guy. I really can’t wait for that to happen.  🙂

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Bell Guy blurted out on chat the other night (can you blurt out on chat?) that he couldn’t wait to marry me. Although absolutely flattered, I was a little surprised. I do love him and see no reason why we will not have the future together but it took me six years of courtship to get married to my wife and I’ve only known him ten weeks. I told him that I agreed that I thought we’d be together in the future but did tell him that it took a long time to make that commitment to my wife and getting married was clearly a mistake knowing what I do now. He was worried that I would freak out and I think he regretted saying it, even though that is how he felt. I’m glad he was honest and I cannot wait to be completely out of my current situation and location so I can spend more time with him and our relationship can continue to grow without all of my baggage.

What is interesting is we both feel like we’ve been dating months or even years. I guess that shows how compatible we are. I still cannot believe how lucky I was to meet him (on craigslist of all places) and I pinch myself almost every day.

Ah, love.  🙂

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I am having some challenges keeping up with reading your blogs. I know I used to leave lots of comments. I am going to try to catch up this week.

I appreciate all of you leaving the thoughtful comments about me feeling violated when Bell Guy read my blog. Bell Guy and I are fine – I have completely forgiven him – and had a good weekend, which I’ll get to in a minute.

I am waffling, even as I write this post, as to whether I want him to read it in the future. I am so private but I also know it is probably better that he really know where I am always coming from, especially with the pending divorce and all of the upheaval that is coming up this year for me. Therefore, I am going to tell him to read it as he wishes.

Onto the weekend…

A few weeks ago, Bell Guy surprised me with hockey tickets to Saturday night’s game. Unfortunately on the way to the game we were in a minor car accident. How there was virtually no damage considering how hard we hit I still do not understand. Bell Guy was driving and was really frazzled but we continued on our short journey.

Considering he had never been to a game in the arena before, Bell Guy picked some amazing seats. We were only five or so rows up and right at the blue line. Sitting that close you really are able to see how big, fast and skilled NHL players are. Ironically, we only took pics of the mites on ice (little kids) players during the intermissions.

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(I especially like the bald guy in front.)

We had a ton of fun and the home team won pretty big. (Bell Guy decided he would try to act butch while at the game. That lasted about five minutes until a disco song was played and his cover was quickly blown.) I used to be a big hockey fan and had season tickets for a few years up until the strike and then I lost interest. Bell Guy really liked the game so we are going to try to go back and see a couple more games this season. Who knows, maybe we’ll even make the playoffs. God knows it has been too long.

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Ugh. Things had been going so well with Bell Guy. Until he decided to go against my known wishes and search for, locate, and then proceed to read parts of my blog.

Out of the blue yesterday evening, due to guilt, Bell Guy told me that he had read my blog between some meetings yesterday. He knew that I would be upset.

I was kind of shell shocked. At first, I didn’t think that I cared. But as I thought about it, I did care. I cared a lot. He knew that I had the blog and I had told him about some of the posts (thus how he was able to google search and find it). He also knew, very clearly, that I did not want him to read it. He had said previously that it was my personal journal and, therefore, was really none of his business.

I asked him how he found the blog and he said by accident. After I stated that was clearly bullshit, he said he searched by using Zac Efron. Since this seems to be Zac headquarters lately, it didn’t take much effort to find me.

I asked him why he felt the need to do this and he said that he wondered about what I thought of him and my coming out process. I think I’ve been pretty good about telling him how I feel. As for the entire coming out process, I really didn’t want to share it completely with him. He is aware of Boston Guy and Military Guy and all that stuff and I have not hidden anything. I just didn’t want to share all of those feelings. I am rather private really.

He was very apologetic and was clearly sorry for making such a stupid, selfish mistake.

I had some negative feelings regarding Bell Guy early on. I had some issues, which I have since worked through, with going out with a “stereotypical” gay guy. I did not mention specifics about those feelings here (or to him or anyone else) and I still will not.

Last night, I told him that I was glad that I did not blog about all of my feelings. When I said that, he asked if it was because I had been dating other people when we first started dating. Since I had told him early on that was not the case, I proceeded to tell him that was the dumbest thing to ever come out of his mouth since I had known him. I mean seriously, his mind was so all over the place that he was not even thinking before he spoke.

So, last night I felt violated. A stupid feeling? Maybe, but I do not think so. How many of you share your blogs with friends and boyfriends? I already know the answer: very few of you.

He broke the trust I had in him. I tried to be nice (and was) and tried to downplay the entire thing. We went to dinner, which ended up being shitty as the conversation and atmosphere was just totally weird because he felt terrible and I was irritated.

After dinner, we got back to his place and talked and watched TV for a couple minutes. I was stewing, thinking that I could not understand why he would completely ignore my wishes. I felt myself getting more pissed as I was sitting there so I announced that I was leaving. I was cordial. I wished him a good night and hugged him. Didn’t really look at him thought. I felt like crying on the way to the car. He told me he proceeded to cry uncontrollably for the next hour.

After I got home, I had an email waiting for me from him and we texted for a few minutes and then chatted for an hour.

I honestly contemplated dumping him over this. I figured that we had only been dating for six weeks and I wasn’t sure that I could trust him. I was thinking that there are other guys out there and that maybe this was a sign that we just were not meant to be. For me, trust is everything really.

He asked me if I wanted to break up and I told him that I didn’t think that I did. And after a night and another day of thinking, I definitely do not. Everyone makes mistakes and I am absolutely convinced that I have somehow (very quickly and luckily) found a rare, great, guy.

Tonight, I asked him to dinner again. Everything was somewhat back to normal. I am still pissed but not nearly as much as I was. He still feels terrible and has promised to let me have some privacy with this blog. I expect all will be well in another day or so.

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Still trying to catch up on Bell Guy posts…this is a condensed version of a great night.

A few Fridays ago, Bell Guy and I made plans to go downtown for dinner and then look at the National and Capitol Christmas trees. I was also to stay at his place for the first time that night. Traffic was so terrible I arrived an hour later than planned.

For some reason, although he is rather sophisticated, Bell Guy did not have enough sheet sets for his bed. As in, he only had one set. I found this unacceptable, so I bought him another set. He was surprised at the funny gift and liked them.

We headed to a steakhouse downtown and the food was yummy.  After dinner, we walked towards the national tree and he wanted to hold my arm. I didn’t like doing that in public and I acted like a jerk and pushed him away. That was the first big (and only) mistake I’ve made with him so far. I could have handled it better and I really hurt him by acting the way I did. I have told myself a hundred times that I cannot mess this up and disappoint him. We continued walking and he was clearly aggravated and I tried to apologize. I said that I never see guys holding one another in public. Ten minutes later, when we arrived at the tree, there were two guys holding hands (Aren’t I brilliant?). We talked about it and I told him that I would try to do better, but I also said that I have only been out for four months and he was my first real boyfriend so, overall, I’m doing pretty well and this process is made of steps, not all accomplished at once.

Things between us ended up fine and we walked to the Capitol tree. I had never seen that tree and it was so much better than the national tree. And there were only a few people there, compared to the hordes at the national tree.

Once back at Bell Guy’s place we went to bed and had sex for the first time. So, that was the first time I had sex with him or any guy for that matter. (I told myself that I wouldn’t get into details about that on here so I won’t. It was great though.)

Afterwards, right before we fell asleep, I told him I loved him. He popped his head up, looked over, and said “what.” I repeated it, he said he loved me and started kissing me like crazy.

Now, earlier that week, I had told a couple of you that I was considering telling him that I loved him. Fact is, we had only been going out a couple of weeks and the consensus was I should keep my mouth shut. However, I was positive how I felt and I really thought the feeling was mutual. I decided that I was not going to hold back my feelings. Life is too short for that and here we are, two weeks or so later, and I am so glad I told him how I felt. If anything bad were to ever happen to me, he will know forever how I feel.

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Today is the one month anniversary for me and Bell Guy. Yay!

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This pic was taken New Year’s Eve in Central Park. I’m on the left, he’s on the right.

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A Kiss

Back to catching up on Bell Guy…

A couple weeks ago I had to attend an afternoon office Christmas party downtown. I decided that I would park at Bell Guy’s apartment and take the subway down.

Bell Guy worked from home that day so after visiting with him for a few minutes, we walked to the subway. He kissed me goodbye, which was kind of a milestone for me. It was my first very public gay kiss. Public displays of affection are still a challenge for me, which I will blog about in future posts. Nobody heckled or threw anything at us so I survived.

After the uneventful party, when I got back to Bell Guy’s place, he cooked a nice baked chicken dinner with green beans and potatoes for us. He is a good cook and specifically cooked those foods because he knows I like them. He really is a thoughtful guy.

Later that night, I went further sexually with him (he gives magnificent blow jobs) but had to leave after to go home. I hate leaving him. I wish I could spend all of my free time with him.

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