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Archive for January, 2008

What Do You Wish For?

You know, I never post videos. But, I liked this music video and it got me thinking.

So, if I had one wish for the future, I think it would be that everyone have respect for others. My thinking is this would, among other things, create world peace, increased gay rights and deal a blow to the incessant bullying that takes place in our schools.

What Do You Wish For?

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I wanted to go to the auto show this weekend and Bell Guy reluctantly agreed. Neither of us is looking for a new car but we went Friday night and saw hundreds of cars from all of the manufacturers. And Bell Guy enjoyed himself!

I did learn that what I wanted to be my next car, the Lexus GS Hybrid, has a trunk way too small for my liking. I guess the hybrid stuff takes up a lot of space back there, as the regular GS had a large trunk. Anyways, a few cell phone pics.

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Jeep Concept

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Lamborghini

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Ferrari

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Rolls Royce

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Bell Guy 😉

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Thanks to my pals Christian and Michael, I now know the bigots are back! Not that they really left…

While I am not going to get into the recent filth they have been spewing, my friends at the Westboro “church” are back in the news. I have previously blogged about these nut jobs here. Led by Fred Phelps, the disbarred former attorney, they are the ones that protest at military funerals, saying God is punishing America for its acceptance of homosexuality.

Members of the “church” have decided to protest the Academy Awards and Heath Ledger’s funeral because Ledger was in Brokeback Mountain. In fact, they have already bought their tickets to Los Angeles. Now, I had hoped that the writers’ strike would be over and the awards would go forward but now I have to admit that I hope they are canceled. Because of the massive lawsuit they recently lost, the “church” probably had to buy the cheapest airline tickets and probably would be unable to get a refund.

I do not see how they will be able to get to Australia to protest his funeral. Perhaps if they somehow did, they would be met with bodily harm. More info from abcnews.com here.

Mark my words: When Fred Phelps dies, I will be in Topeka, at his funeral, with “God Hates Bigots” sign in hand. Won’t you join me?

The other bigot is Fox News Radio and TV host John Gibson. Here is a summary from Wikipedia about what Gibson has said lately:

Following the announcement of the death of actor Heath Ledger, Gibson opened his show with funeral music and used an audio quote of Ledger saying the line “I wish I knew how to quit you”, taken from the movie Brokeback Mountain, and commented “Well, he knew how to quit you!” Laughing, Gibson then played another clip from Brokeback Mountain in which Ledger said, “We’re dead,” followed by his own, mocking “We’re dead” before playing the clip again. Throughout the course of the show, Gibson continued to bring up Ledger’s death, jokingly claiming that current events may have caused him to commit suicide, suggesting that Ledger killed himself because he had “a serious position in the (stock) market” or perhaps “watched the Clinton-Obama debate last night. I think he was an Edwards guy, cause he saw his Edwards guy was just completely irrelevant.” He also referred to Ledger as “a weirdo” with a “serious drug problem.”

My gosh. What a douche. Bell Guy works for AT&T, who is a commercial sponsor for Gibson’s show. Bell Guy has agreed to email the LGBT organization at AT&T and urge them to formally complain to AT&T. For much more info on this, and to see where to complain and sign the GLAAD petition, click here.

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With all that is going on in the world, I have debated whether to blog more about Heath Ledger. But, as they say, it is my blog, so the economy and war and election will have to wait.

A commentator on CNN described the people milling around his NYC apartment building after his death as dumbfounded. I guess that sums it up. When I got the news, I really thought it was a joke. We do not know exactly what happened and I am not sure that it matters.

Ledger touched me with his performance in Brokeback Mountain. Another blogger sent me that movie a few months ago. I hadn’t watched the film earlier because I didn’t think I had a way to tell my wife I wanted to see it without it being out of character for me. I cried like a little bitch as I watched. I thought about Boston Guy throughout the entire movie and the forbidden love I had for him. I think Ledger’s quiet, brilliant, performance certainly had an impact on me. Remember when he was standing in front of Jack’s closet and discovered the two shirts inside one another? My gosh.

With all of the idiots in Hollywood he was a breath of fresh air. How many actors would have passed up the Brokeback role because of the chance that it could be career ending? How many actors pass up easy, high paying roles, for roles that are more challenging and pay less? On the Brokeback role, Ledger said “I felt that choices were being made for me, so I feel this has been my time now to find the good stories and test myself. It has been an interesting year, where I finally have a sense of accomplishment.” Brokeback was quite an accomplishment for the gay community as well. As the GLAAD statement said, countless minds and hearts were changed because of that film.

Seems to me Heath Ledger was a great father, a great actor and an overall great guy.

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Bell Guy just sent this to me. I can’t believe it:

Heath Ledger, who was nominated for an Academy Award in 2005 for his role as a gay cowboy in “Brokeback Mountain,” was found dead today in a Manhattan apartment, New York police told CNN. No immediate cause of death was given. Ledger was 28.

updated: “Pills were found in the vicinity of the bed,” police spokesman Paul Browne told CNN. “This is being looked at as a possible overdose, but that is not confirmed yet.”

source: cnn.com

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I am having some challenges keeping up with reading your blogs. I know I used to leave lots of comments. I am going to try to catch up this week.

I appreciate all of you leaving the thoughtful comments about me feeling violated when Bell Guy read my blog. Bell Guy and I are fine – I have completely forgiven him – and had a good weekend, which I’ll get to in a minute.

I am waffling, even as I write this post, as to whether I want him to read it in the future. I am so private but I also know it is probably better that he really know where I am always coming from, especially with the pending divorce and all of the upheaval that is coming up this year for me. Therefore, I am going to tell him to read it as he wishes.

Onto the weekend…

A few weeks ago, Bell Guy surprised me with hockey tickets to Saturday night’s game. Unfortunately on the way to the game we were in a minor car accident. How there was virtually no damage considering how hard we hit I still do not understand. Bell Guy was driving and was really frazzled but we continued on our short journey.

Considering he had never been to a game in the arena before, Bell Guy picked some amazing seats. We were only five or so rows up and right at the blue line. Sitting that close you really are able to see how big, fast and skilled NHL players are. Ironically, we only took pics of the mites on ice (little kids) players during the intermissions.

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(I especially like the bald guy in front.)

We had a ton of fun and the home team won pretty big. (Bell Guy decided he would try to act butch while at the game. That lasted about five minutes until a disco song was played and his cover was quickly blown.) I used to be a big hockey fan and had season tickets for a few years up until the strike and then I lost interest. Bell Guy really liked the game so we are going to try to go back and see a couple more games this season. Who knows, maybe we’ll even make the playoffs. God knows it has been too long.

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Ugh. Things had been going so well with Bell Guy. Until he decided to go against my known wishes and search for, locate, and then proceed to read parts of my blog.

Out of the blue yesterday evening, due to guilt, Bell Guy told me that he had read my blog between some meetings yesterday. He knew that I would be upset.

I was kind of shell shocked. At first, I didn’t think that I cared. But as I thought about it, I did care. I cared a lot. He knew that I had the blog and I had told him about some of the posts (thus how he was able to google search and find it). He also knew, very clearly, that I did not want him to read it. He had said previously that it was my personal journal and, therefore, was really none of his business.

I asked him how he found the blog and he said by accident. After I stated that was clearly bullshit, he said he searched by using Zac Efron. Since this seems to be Zac headquarters lately, it didn’t take much effort to find me.

I asked him why he felt the need to do this and he said that he wondered about what I thought of him and my coming out process. I think I’ve been pretty good about telling him how I feel. As for the entire coming out process, I really didn’t want to share it completely with him. He is aware of Boston Guy and Military Guy and all that stuff and I have not hidden anything. I just didn’t want to share all of those feelings. I am rather private really.

He was very apologetic and was clearly sorry for making such a stupid, selfish mistake.

I had some negative feelings regarding Bell Guy early on. I had some issues, which I have since worked through, with going out with a “stereotypical” gay guy. I did not mention specifics about those feelings here (or to him or anyone else) and I still will not.

Last night, I told him that I was glad that I did not blog about all of my feelings. When I said that, he asked if it was because I had been dating other people when we first started dating. Since I had told him early on that was not the case, I proceeded to tell him that was the dumbest thing to ever come out of his mouth since I had known him. I mean seriously, his mind was so all over the place that he was not even thinking before he spoke.

So, last night I felt violated. A stupid feeling? Maybe, but I do not think so. How many of you share your blogs with friends and boyfriends? I already know the answer: very few of you.

He broke the trust I had in him. I tried to be nice (and was) and tried to downplay the entire thing. We went to dinner, which ended up being shitty as the conversation and atmosphere was just totally weird because he felt terrible and I was irritated.

After dinner, we got back to his place and talked and watched TV for a couple minutes. I was stewing, thinking that I could not understand why he would completely ignore my wishes. I felt myself getting more pissed as I was sitting there so I announced that I was leaving. I was cordial. I wished him a good night and hugged him. Didn’t really look at him thought. I felt like crying on the way to the car. He told me he proceeded to cry uncontrollably for the next hour.

After I got home, I had an email waiting for me from him and we texted for a few minutes and then chatted for an hour.

I honestly contemplated dumping him over this. I figured that we had only been dating for six weeks and I wasn’t sure that I could trust him. I was thinking that there are other guys out there and that maybe this was a sign that we just were not meant to be. For me, trust is everything really.

He asked me if I wanted to break up and I told him that I didn’t think that I did. And after a night and another day of thinking, I definitely do not. Everyone makes mistakes and I am absolutely convinced that I have somehow (very quickly and luckily) found a rare, great, guy.

Tonight, I asked him to dinner again. Everything was somewhat back to normal. I am still pissed but not nearly as much as I was. He still feels terrible and has promised to let me have some privacy with this blog. I expect all will be well in another day or so.

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