Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘closeted at work’

When we (me and two coworkers) checked into the hotel, I very stupidly asked if we could have rooms near one another. Now, this hotel has over 5,000 rooms so maybe that was a good idea at the time but I did not think it through. When the front desk girl told me that she could only put us in rooms close to one another if we were in the wing that only had king beds I agreed. Again, I didn’t think that through. Granted, at that point it was about 2am “home” time and my brain must have been somewhere else.

As I previously blogged, Bell Guy gets here in a few days. I am not out to these two coworkers and they think that I am still happily married. Now, I will have a man staying with me in my room. In a room with only one bed.

I have considered changing rooms but I unpacked days ago and I am nice and settled. I told Bell Guy about my dilemma and while he said it was up to me as to what to do, I know he is growing tired of me having to hide behind this idea that I am straight and things are normal for me at home. It is not unusual for me to be paranoid when I am out with him and we are in areas where there is a greater chance that we will run into people that I will know (that happened once and although I had a mild heart attack I survived and do not think the person had any suspicions).

I’ve decided that I am not switching rooms. One coworker leaves the morning after Bell Guy arrives and if the other sees me and Bell Guy together I’ll have to deal with it. I do not want people to think I am running around my wife’s back with some guy but I am not going to sneak around either.

I have said to myself a million times over the last six months that my one main issue I have with all of this is not me being gay. It is me getting married and then realizing years later that I am gay. I cannot get over my belief that those facts destroy my credibility with everyone I know. Nobody really understands, or will understand, and I do not want to discuss it, especially with people that I am not super close to. I am friends with many coworkers but it is none of their business how all of this came about and I have no plans to tell them. I guess I am going to deal with all of this as it comes. I know that I cannot continue this facade at work forever.

Read Full Post »

I haven’t updated ya’ll on me lately, so here’s a quick one.

Turns out one of my most trusted managers approached the gay co-worker, in an affiliated company, that knows of my situation. The manager asked her if she thought I could be gay. Well, the co-worker somehow acted shocked at the question and said no. The manager said that she has noticed some effeminate characteristics in me lately. The co-worker basically told the manager she thought she was crazy. She did ask, if it were the case, would she have a problem with it? The manager said no. I have to say I am pretty shocked because I just do not think I have any of those characteristics. I have been more vocal recently on gay rights and I have been speaking to the gay co-worker more often as well so I do think that may have something to do with it. Also, this manager seems to spend a lot of time speculating on the sexuality of others. I am not worried about her starting any rumors, because she just is not that foolish, and that would cause her tenure at our company to end abruptly. I am disappointed, however, because I considered this person a friend.

Honestly, I was really contemplating coming out to the manager and another employee at the office. However, after seeing the gossiping that takes place now, there is no way I trust them to keep their mouths shut. I have a high profile position in my company and my credibility is everything. I guess the issue that I cannot overcome in my mind is that I think others will think less of me, not because I am gay, but because I got married. I will not have an opportunity to share my story with all of these people, not that it is any of their business. I do want to come out because I think every time someone comes out, it dispels stereotypes and helps the entire gay rights situation by bringing a real face to everything.

Read Full Post »