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Posts Tagged ‘divorce’

Bell Guy is beginning to settle in and I am beginning to get used to my new reality. I get really super sad late at night when I think about what was but I know that will fade with time. I have not been sleeping well at all the last few nights but that should get better soon too. It’s ironic that right around the time I came out to my wife, me being gay was all consuming in my life. The same feelings are occurring now as well. Her and the dogs moving and Bell Guy moving in has consumed my life recently and I am looking forward to things returning to a new normal.

We have bought some new furniture and have rearranged some other furniture and I think doing so will enable me to make new memories sooner. I still am not sure that I want to stay in this house long term but I waffle with those thoughts frequently and, although I’d like to make a decision soon, we do not need to for a couple of months.

Bell Guy and I have been getting along well. I am very anal about where things are placed in the house and I know that merging his things with mine has been stressful for him. I know I need to be more flexible and less negative but I am having some trouble with dealing with that along with everything else at the moment. I am not sure that he understands the magnitude that all of these changes have had on me but that is my fault for not expressing my feelings. I am sure this, too, will be fine with time.

I am looking forward to getting out of town for a conference in Toronto later this week. I want a break from all of the moving and errand running and memories of this place.

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My Chicago trip report is not done but will have to wait a few days.

My wife leaves for a trip to France Wednesday. When she gets back, I will be at the beach and she will move to Florida. When I return from the beach, she and my dogs will be gone. Her portion of the house is packed up and we are faced, after essentially living as friends since I came out in September, with one more night in the same house. We’ve been together ten years and while I know I did the right thing in coming out to her, it will be a difficult adjustment to life without her and the dogs. I’ve tried to stay busy and ignore all of my feelings but that is becoming more difficult as time is running out.

Tonight, after helping her pack, she went to watch TV and I got in bed. After a few minutes she came into my room and laid on my bed, upset that life as we know it will never be the same. I did everything I could to not cry.

I just want to get through these next few days and begin my new life with Bell Guy.

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I haven’t blogged about the circumstances involved in my pending divorce in some time (or ever maybe?). Here’s one component.

My wife and I have been debating for some time what to do with the investment property we own. I am an executive in a large real estate company so I have some experience in these matters, but it is impossible to predict the future market. We have a tenant in the house that wants to stay for another year and the real estate market in the city where it is located is not good. (Yes, there are areas where the market is good and, my gosh, if I didn’t already have two properties, I’d be buying now!) The loan has reset and the payment went up fifty percent. While we have equity in the house, I cannot afford a vacancy while the property sits on the market for sale.

So, we’ve decided to keep it. There are other good reasons for keeping it. It is near transportation corridors, commuter rail and should be impacted positively by the base realignment and closure process.

I am trying to get a refinance through and so far, so good. It will raise my payment a little bit, and I will lose some money every month. However, I will not have to deal with selling what may end up a vacant house in a tough market.

My wife and I have agreed that I will make up any difference between what is due monthly and what the tenant pays monthly and that should prevent her from requesting spousal support (alimony).

As long as the appraisal holds, very soon this issue will be off my plate for several years and I am looking forward to that. My hope is the market will improve and we will make some money through appreciation and then sell in a few years when the market is good.

Although my crystal ball is foggy, I am hoping this is all the right decision. I figure that worst case, I can move back into that house when the tenant moves and buy my wife out if I need to. We plan to put the house we share on the market for sale in the Spring. She moves back near her family in late June. Lots of stuff ahead 🙂

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