Bell Guy is beginning to settle in and I am beginning to get used to my new reality. I get really super sad late at night when I think about what was but I know that will fade with time. I have not been sleeping well at all the last few nights but that should get better soon too. It’s ironic that right around the time I came out to my wife, me being gay was all consuming in my life. The same feelings are occurring now as well. Her and the dogs moving and Bell Guy moving in has consumed my life recently and I am looking forward to things returning to a new normal.
We have bought some new furniture and have rearranged some other furniture and I think doing so will enable me to make new memories sooner. I still am not sure that I want to stay in this house long term but I waffle with those thoughts frequently and, although I’d like to make a decision soon, we do not need to for a couple of months.
Bell Guy and I have been getting along well. I am very anal about where things are placed in the house and I know that merging his things with mine has been stressful for him. I know I need to be more flexible and less negative but I am having some trouble with dealing with that along with everything else at the moment. I am not sure that he understands the magnitude that all of these changes have had on me but that is my fault for not expressing my feelings. I am sure this, too, will be fine with time.
I am looking forward to getting out of town for a conference in Toronto later this week. I want a break from all of the moving and errand running and memories of this place.
My friend, I know full well the late-night sorrows and strangeness, even though it’s the right thing to do. Believe me. I was married for seven long years. I’m sure we could swap stories for hours. Take good care.
When I moved in with my partner it was a little stressful so far as determining my space and not wanting to encroach on his. It was his place pretty much on his own for 10 years, I feared disrupting that too much. He was a doll though, letting me carve out spaces that were mine, letting me reorganize other areas, and it encouraged him to clear out things he didn’t need or that he could finally let go of. This weekend marked 1 full year of living together and now we seldom think about personal space. Though it is still his house, it is our home. It now feels safe and comfortable for both of us. I think you guys will get there, but it will take time.
Hang in there dear. Remember to breathe.
Your world is turning around right now, just remember that the happiness that Bell Guy is bringing you is way more important the the vase being at that exact same place. Buddha always say earthly possessions are only temporary… 🙂
Have a good time in Toronto, have you thought about getting a puppy? Nothing creates memory faster than a puppy. 🙂
Best of luck.
I’m sure he knows the magnitude. He’d have to be completely clueless to be unaware… Things will get easier with time…
like lewis we could swap stories all night long…so well know the late night sorrows, what i will tell you is that is will subside, you will have the memories and they will be the good ones…take time,take care and just enjoy the new life you are embarking on
Hit me up on AIM sometimes….. I need to tell you something……………
I hope that those initial feelings are starting to wane now that Bell Guy has been there for a while. And getting away for the conference should give you the added break you need at the moment. Hang in there! 🙂
I see that you haven’t posted as of late. Just still want you to know that I hope things are well for you and getting better day by day. Transitions are crazy things. Good or bad. And good usually comes with bad and the other way around too. The long years from the past, the memories, the thoughts, the friendships and people that are no longer around. I feel for you. I really do.