Very Disappointed

I sent the following email to Boston Guy Friday night. I haven’t heard one word since. He has really gone out of his way to ignore me. He is online but doesn’t return messages. He doesn’t answer texts or his phone. I guess what we had is coming to a close. I have so much more to say but I am so sad now I do not feel like blogging.

***

I am tired of being ignored. You sign on tonight, twice, and sign right off. I send texts and get nothing. I try to call and you do not answer. If you’re too tired to chat or whatever just say so. I’ll understand but not communicating is not working anymore.

We’re all busy. You need to make a decision as to whether you have the time to have me in your life. I have always respected your need to study. I think I probably respect that need more than some of your friends do. If you can’t chat or are going to be reading, say so. Don’t leave me hanging just sitting here waiting for you to reply to a message.

You know I needed an answer for our weekend visit today in an attempt to save money. You chose not to give me that answer last night or today.

You know how I feel about you. I cannot show any more emotion towards you. I conveyed that in person, certainly in my letter to you, in random texts and also on the blog. I do not even get a little of that back from you. I have to assume that you feel the same way and it causes me to be on an emotional roller coaster, which is just not fair.

I know you always say I am paranoid or I overreact. Fact is, that only happens with you and it happens too often because of your failure to reassure me or show me you care. You grabbed my hand at the airport so I know you had feelings for me. I am pretty good at reading people and I still believe we share similar feelings for one another.

We need to step things up, meaning a call a few times a week, planning our next visits, etc. I should not have to initiate everything and you should be just as excited about this stuff as I am or there is something wrong with us.

I worry about you. I worry about your self esteem. I worry when you say that you have the weight of the entire world on your shoulders. All of the drama that your friends and family put on you, coupled with school and work makes your life more stressful than it is most college seniors. I feel like I am just piling on. I want to help you but I cannot if we do not talk and I get one word answers when I ask questions. You are one of the most important people in my life and I want you to be happy. However, I need to be happy too.

I want a boyfriend. I want you to be my boyfriend. You said you wanted the same. If that is true, show me.

Love, Eliot